*This is an article from the Spring 2024 issue of Contentment Magazine.

By Jeff Jernigan, PhD, LPC, BCPC, FAIS 

 Early Tuesday morning, before office hours, the phone rang. Glancing over, noticing who it was, I picked up the phone. My friend was asking if I could help him with a patient consultation. Odd, this time in the morning, to get a call from Chuck outside of even his office hours. Curious and a bit concerned, we began a conversation. 

Malcolm is a 91-year-old WWII combat Veteran who followed up his military service later in life with a 30 plus-year career in New Orleans as a policeman. His family was having him evaluated for dementia. They were reasonably concerned about his sudden withdrawal and isolation from a highly active senior lifestyle. He was increasingly depressed, had trouble with short-term memory, and was prone to angry outbursts and temper tantrums from seemingly out of nowhere. None of these symptoms had appeared previously and came on like a thunderstorm almost all at once. Malcolm had trouble sleeping and complained about dreams and nightmares keeping him up at night. Fatigue set in, along with foggy thinking. 

Chuck did not think this was dementia for several reasons but wanted to be sure. Malcom’s history indicated that he had weathered WWII and his police career quite well with some post-trauma stress, which was addressed at the time with good results, and had experienced no further problems in an otherwise idyllic life. Some of Malcom’s disturbing dreams were about horrific experiences from those perilous years. So, could it be post-traumatic stress or even post-traumatic stress disorder? If this was the case, why was it happening now after decades of no problems? There didn’t seem to be any apparent triggers involved, and he had never talked about those experiences at all, ever. Therein lay the clue. 

Before we go further, let us talk about post-trauma stress and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as suppression and repression. People often refer to a demanding workday or week, describing themselves as feeling “burned out.” We all understand this expression as signifying how worn out they feel now. Sometimes, after a long, stressful, and possibly traumatic period, some will describe how burned out they feel: exhausted, cannot sleep, poor decision-making, short temper, and so on. They may believe they have post-traumatic stress disorder. This is probably post-trauma stress and not post-traumatic stress disorder. Clinical post-traumatic stress disorder is diagnosed using several steps appearing over a period for adults and children, not through simply identifying a difficult and stressful condition. 

Where stress and trauma have caused injury but do not qualify for a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, it is considered a condition versus a disorder.1 This condition still needs treatment and may include suppressed memories. However, post-traumatic stress disorder will consist of repressed memories as well. 

Suppression and repression are related but very different terms. Suppression is a voluntary response strategy for concealing outward expression of experiences associated with strong emotions.2 These memories are pushed away but not forgotten. Repression describes memories that are pushed away and totally forgotten. This is an unconscious process of excluding experiences, memories, or thoughts.3 These are the mind’s way of protecting us from trauma when there is not enough time or opportunity to stabilize or heal. Repressed memories are not gone; they are still there. Suppression acts to make memories less vivid over time, while repression retains the most vivid memories. 

Suppression weakens unwanted memories through sustained reduction of neural reactivation.4 This reduces the shutting out of unwanted memories and helps explain why suppressed memories can be triggered more easily than repressed memories. Repressed memories are locked away. However, this reduction in suppression over time makes the emergence of repressed memories more likely as time goes by. For Malcolm, this was a problem. As time went on and life became less busy, there came a time when the mind was ready for healing, and memories, nightmares, and very vivid experiences so real Malcomb felt like he was reliving an experience began to haunt him. 

This does not mean there are no symptoms when suppression or repression is involved. They are just more challenging to identify and associate with trauma. Symptoms may be present but not readily associated with anything that happened so long ago in someone’s life. This is likely when attention is directed more toward what might be the problem in the present rather than the past: depression, anxiety, and dementia became suspected causes for Malcomb. When there is no obvious trauma involved, it becomes even more difficult to diagnose post-trauma stress or post-traumatic stress disorder. 

Trauma finds its way into our lives throughout our lives. Dealing with the suppressed or repressed memories around trauma can be difficult if there is no actual memory of the stress or trauma at all. This can involve the fetus in the womb due to the mother’s traumatic experiences5 or through changed DNA due to parental trauma experiences passed on to children and grandchildren. There may be no cognitive memory of actual trauma, but the effects are still passed on. 

Adverse childhood experiences long forgotten can be triggered in adults many years later with no clues as to why stress and trauma-related symptoms are showing up now. When someone has experienced a significant loss, for example, the grieving process may develop into what is called complicated grief. It seems the person cannot get beyond their grief no matter how much time has passed. This loss may have triggered repressed memories regarding the deceased. This is especially true if the loss was due to unexpected suicide.6 Loss of a business, a home, or a relationship where someone’s competency and self-criticism are acute can trigger repressed memories.7 Sometimes, a traumatic sense of shame and guilt in childhood can be enough to repress memories beyond conscious recall.8 There are many reasons why there may be a delayed onset of post-trauma distress, and having a history of the individual will be crucial to unwrapping the mystery.

Stress is still stress, whether it is recognized or buried deep in our consciousness. This is another way of saying whether we recognize where the stress came from, it still impacts us. It doesn’t matter if the stressors occurred long ago or more recently. The good news is that late-onset stress and trauma conditions can be treated in the same manner as stress and trauma injuries can be treated in the present. What may be different is post-traumatic growth. Post-traumatic growth has two components: the natural process of recovery and the development of resilience that occurs after initial treatment, and the self-care plan designed to capitalize on natural recovery processes intentionally. Malcomb has to deal with the repressed memories as if they just happened and develop a self-care plan that reflects the reality of starting over in some respects. Then there is the inevitable self-recrimination he gives himself for not seeing this sooner. 

All recovery begins with active listening, helping the person process verbally their experience. Not to excess, but to put it into perspective and prepare for the next steps. Ensuring nutrition, exercise, and sleep are not a problem, and checking to ensure meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose are not problems is essential. Reliving repressed memories can be paralyzing, and reassurance is important. Sometimes, rebuilding one’s self-image and worldview may be needed. This is a process and not an event, a journey from where the events took place to where the person is now, with healing along the way. Malcomb will be okay with good support from friends and medical or mental wellness help as needed. If you are that friend to someone, be sure you listen with your heart. 

References 

1. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: American Psychiatric Association, Fifth Edition, 2013 pp 271-280. 
2. Muhtadie, L, Haase, C et al, Emotion, 21(2): 405-418, 2021. 
3. Berlin, H, Kock, C, Defense mechanisms: neuroscience Meets psychoanalysis. Scientific American, 20(2): 2009, p16. 
4. Kreston-Meyer, A, Benoit, R, Cognition and Brain Science: Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences, Germany, Mar 30, 2022. 
5. Cozolino, L, The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Social Brain, 2nd Ed: Norton and Company, March 2014. 
6. Levi-Belz, Y., Interpersonal facilitators of complicated grief and depression in the aftermath of suicide loss: The mediated roles of suicide-related shame and guilt. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, July 2022 
7. Brott, K., Veilleux, J., Examining state self-criticism and self-efficacy as factors underlying hopelessness and suicidal ideation. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, April 2023. 
8. Lopez, R., Esposito-Smythers, C., et al. Relations between discrimination, rejection sensitivity, negative affect, and decrements in problem-solving ability following social rejection: An experimental investigation. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, May 2023. 

*This is an article from the Spring 2024 issue of Contentment Magazine.

By Josh Briley, PhD, BCMAS, FAIS 

Throughout my career as a psychologist, regardless of the setting (VA clinic, private practice, telehealth, or prison), I have struggled against the overwhelmingly common misconception that once someone begins to experience post-traumatic stress, they will always have it. That they are now somehow “broken” or “damaged” and cannot be “fixed.”  

This misconception is fueled by a number of factors. One factor is the medical profession’s primary approach to psychological issues: prescribing medications. Now, while I am not anti-medication, my clinical experience has convinced me they should not necessarily be the first-line approach to overcoming post-traumatic stress. Most of the patients with post-traumatic stress that I have worked with over the years have been on psychotropic medications for sleep, anxiety, depression, and pain, with no significant improvement in their symptoms. Not only do these medications not resolve the issues contributing to the symptoms of post-traumatic stress, but they include side effects that often negatively impact the patient’s quality of life; side effects which the prescriber may address with yet another medication, and thus, the cycle perpetuates. 

However, the biggest factor that keeps people “stuck” and believing they will never overcome their post-traumatic stress and that they are, therefore, somehow “broken” is a misunderstanding of what it means to “get better.” Most people I have worked with define “getting better” as forgetting about the event(s) and “going back to who I was before.” Admittedly, this is an impossible goal. We cannot go back to who we are following any significant life-changing event. For example, once you become a parent, you cannot return to thinking and acting as you did before your first child was born. Once puberty starts, you cannot go back to who you were pre-puberty. Both examples forever alter how you think, feel, and behave. Similarly, once you have experienced a traumatic event or a series of traumatic events, you will not forget it, nor will you be able to revert to thinking, acting, or feeling the way you did before the trauma(s).  

Therefore, if “getting better” does not mean forgetting about the experience and going back to who you were before the trauma, then what does it mean? “Getting better” is best defined as post-traumatic growth, which involves incorporating the traumatic experience into the narrative of who you are, moving beyond the trauma reactions, and developing a new normal for your life in which you can achieve a full, happy, and healthy life without the constant emotional and physical difficulties that often keep us stuck following a trauma. The first step to attaining post-traumatic growth is to understand the reactions that occur during and following a trauma so you do not feel so out of control of yourself. Once you understand these reactions, it is essential to learn how to overcome these reactions so you can begin to experience post-traumatic growth. This article will briefly explain the reasons we react as we do following a trauma and discuss a tested but novel technology that can be utilized to help alleviate the reactions and smooth the transition to post-traumatic growth. 

Physiological and Evolutionary Aspects of Post-traumatic Stress 

During a traumatic experience, an aspect of the sympathetic nervous system, known as the “fight or flight” response, kicks in. Several physical and mental changes occur from this with the sole purpose of allowing us to survive a dangerous encounter. Physically, our heart rate increases, muscle tension in our arms and legs increases, breathing becomes shallower and more rapid, and blood flow is concentrated from our torso to our extremities. Mentally, we develop tunnel vision to focus on the threat and anyone in the immediate area whose safety we may feel responsible for. Higher order, logical reasoning is reduced, and our most basic experiential, emotional decision making is amplified. These changes are all designed to get us out of danger as quickly and safely as possible. 

The way our nervous system is designed, once the immediate threat is over, then the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as the “rest and digest” response, is supposed to be activated to counter all of the changes from the sympathetic nervous system activation and restore us to normal functioning. In other mammals, this is precisely what happens. They encounter a threat, respond to it, and then return to normal functioning. They stay in this parasympathetic state until they encounter another danger or a reminder of the threat. At this point, they are briefly in sympathetic arousal until the new threat, or the reminder is gone.  

However, unlike other mammals, humans are able to anticipate threats where there may be none and do not need a physical or situational reminder to recall the fear and heightened arousal of the trauma. Therefore, we are more prone to stay in fight or flight long-term without allowing our nervous system to return to normal. 

The longer we are in a fight or flight response, the more of an effect it has on our brains and bodies. The brain is incredibly adept at becoming efficient at repetitive behaviors and emotions. Therefore, when we stay in a state of heightened arousal and look for danger everywhere, the pathways that process these threats become more active and, over time, become the default pathways for the activity in our brains. Thus, a cycle is created in which we consistently feel threats where there may be none, so our brains adapt and stay in a state of fight or flight, reinforcing the feeling of being in danger at all times. We may begin to feel as if we always have to be on alert, we may be easily startled, and our startle response may be bigger than usual. We may be prone to emotional outbursts, especially of anger, fear, or sadness, we may have difficulty relaxing and trouble falling or staying asleep. In addition, we may find ourselves reliving the trauma through either intrusive memories, nightmares, or fully re-experiencing it in the form of a flashback. As a result, we may isolate ourselves from others, have difficulty with memory or with concentrating on tasks to the extent that work and school performance suffer, and may feel easily overwhelmed. 

The longer we experience these reactions to the trauma, the more entrenched the electrical pathways associated with these reactions become. In recent years, we have learned that such pathological electrical activity in the brain is associated not only with the general symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, and other difficulties often experienced as part of post-traumatic stress but the specific patterns of electrical activity can be tied to the specific difficulties a person is experiencing.  

Traditional Means of Managing Post-Traumatic Stress 

Because of the disruption these difficulties have on our lives, most of us go to our primary physicians and get a prescription. These medications are intended to reduce the severity of the anxiety and insomnia that occur from post-traumatic stress, and they may be able to do so for a brief period. The problem with these medications is they do not address the underlying cause for the sympathetic activation contributing to the hyperawareness and re-experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress. As a result, despite compliance with medications and suffering through the side effects of these medications, we do not experience significant improvement in our daily functioning.

Many people also seek out therapy to help with the symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Until very recently, the most frequently utilized methods in psychotherapy to help with post-traumatic stress were treatment approaches that emphasize directly confronting the memories and triggers head-on. These are very intense treatment approaches that escalate the overwhelming and unpleasant emotions evoked by the memories of the trauma. The underlying theory of these treatment approaches is that, by deliberately recalling the avoided memories and telling the stories of what happened, we will move the memory from the intense and emotional experiential memory to the narrative memory and thus reduce the intensity of the emotional response. Therefore, sympathetic nervous activation will not be as intense, and we can move on from the trauma. When done correctly, these treatment approaches are effective, yet difficult for both patient and therapist to go through. When done incorrectly, the patient can become retraumatized, and their symptoms actually become more debilitating, leading to even more severe anxiety and insomnia. 

Post-Traumatic Growth 

If traditional therapy approaches and medications are often difficult or unsuccessful, then what hope does someone stuck in a post-traumatic stress cycle have? Fortunately, there is hope. It is possible, and even more accessible than many believe, for even someone with severe post-traumatic stress to move beyond these struggles. Once they learn to do so, they are no longer “stuck” in the trauma and can enjoy their life again. 

Achieving post-traumatic growth is not as impossible as it may sound. The primary component is learning to deliberately activate the parasympathetic nervous system in the face of a perceived threat or when experiencing the memory or a reminder of the trauma. There are many ways to achieve this parasympathetic activation, although a comprehensive discussion of them is beyond the scope of this article. The primary component in all of these approaches involves learning to relax the muscles in the body and learning to reframe what we tell ourselves about the trauma. 

There are many ways to relax the body: progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, and meditation are just a few. These methods involve physically relaxing our bodies, changing our breathing patterns to a slower and deeper rhythm, and learning to focus our minds. Focusing on these physical changes can turn off sympathetic activation and activate the parasympathetic nervous system. For people who can master these skills, the results are amazing. However, many people do not have the patience, the dedication, or the time to commit to learning and practicing these skills every time they perceive danger or encounter a reminder of their trauma. Fortunately, there are technologies available that can automatically activate the parasympathetic nervous system. The most tested of these technologies is Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES). 

Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation: A Modern Approach 

Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES) is a non-invasive technology that is FDA-cleared to treat anxiety and insomnia. CES, in its modern form, has been used in the United States since the early 1980s, though the roots of the technology are decades older. CES uses tiny amounts of electrical current to normalize the electrical activity in the brain. As this activity is normalized, the nervous system is essentially “reset” to operate how it is designed. The parasympathetic nervous system is automatically engaged, and relief from the anxiety that is prevalent in post-traumatic stress is often immediate and drastic. Many people describe feeling their anxiety “melt away” within a single treatment. Additionally, because the nervous system is essentially “reset” by CES, sleep quality and quantity are significantly improved. Unlike other insomnia treatments, which artificially sedate you and disrupt healthy sleep cycles, CES normalizes the electrical activity in the nervous system and improves sleep naturally. When the nervous system is operating as designed, a healthy sleep cycle is part of that operation. The results are cumulative, so the more consecutive days CES is utilized, the better the results will be and the longer they will last. While a few CES devices are on the market, the global leader in research and clinical utility is Alpha-Stim® (www.alpha-stim.com). CES is available in the United States only by a written order from a licensed healthcare provider but is available over the counter in other countries, which allows CES devices to be distributed. In Europe, Asia and most of the rest of the world, CES is approved to treat depression also, and is generally considered safe enough to not require a doctor’s order.   

I have used Alpha-Stim, both as the sole method of treatment and in conjunction with therapy, to treat people struggling with chronic and often debilitating anxiety and insomnia associated with post-traumatic stress. Many of my patients had been on medications for decades, had participated in both outpatient and residential treatment, and had given up hope of having a normal life. I have worked with people who were unable to leave their houses due to the anxiety that accompanies feeling as if one is in danger everywhere they go. They isolated themselves as much as possible and, as a result, missed significant family events and had few, if any, friends. They believed they were “broken” because they did not respond to situations the way “normal” people did. Years of medications and unsuccessful attempts at therapy had convinced them they would always be that way. 

However, once I introduced Alpha-Stim as a treatment modality, the differences were nothing short of remarkable. During treatments in my office, I could see them visibly relax in the chair, and many of them reported feeling better at the end of the first treatment than they had felt in years if not decades. As they obtained their own devices, they reported sleeping through the night, being able to go to the store with their spouses, attending children’s and grandchildren’s school events, and enjoying holidays with families for the first time in years. Their family members would stop me in the clinic and tell me stories of the changes they saw in my patients, often with tears in their eyes.  

Inside the clinic, I also witnessed incredible transformations. Many of my patients would no longer sit along the edge of the waiting room, staring at everyone warily while waiting for an appointment. Instead, they would interact with the other patients, laughing and smiling, with no sign of anxiety. During therapy sessions, the changes were also remarkable. My patients would start their CES treatment either in the waiting room or as soon as they entered my office and were relaxed within minutes. Thus, we were able to get to the meat of the session more quickly and easily than we had before introducing Alpha-Stim, spend longer in processing the emotions and thoughts that kept them stuck in post-traumatic stress, and overcome their struggles. We could process different traumas more quickly and efficiently. As a result of the combination of CES and therapy, patients were able to overcome the difficulties that had kept them stuck and enter into a period of post-traumatic growth. Similar, though perhaps not quite as drastically, improvements were reported in patients who utilized Alpha-Stim as a sole means of treatment and did not participate in the available individual or group therapy services I provided in the clinic. Furthermore, most of the patients who used Alpha-Stim regularly were able to come off of, or at least drastically reduce the dosage of, their anxiety, depression and sleep medications. 

Post-traumatic growth is not only possible; it is essential if we want to live a happy, healthy, fulfilled life. Every difficulty we encounter is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, others, and the world. However, being stuck in a state of post-traumatic stress prevents us from moving past survival mode. Activating the parasympathetic nervous system is the most effective and efficient way of calming our minds and bodies and allowing ourselves to put the trauma into perspective and begin to rebuild our lives. CES is a very effective tool to assist in this transition and is the most effective means of facilitating the progression from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth that I have used in over 20 years as a psychologist.  

*This is an article from the Spring 2024 issue of Contentment Magazine.

By Richard Citrin, PhD, MBA 

When my wife Sheila and I meet new people, the question is inevitably posed to us, “How many children do you have?” We always stop and look at each other, silently asking ourselves, “Do we think this person can handle the truth, or should we just give them the short answer?” 

The truth is that we had three children, but two of our adult children died within five years. When we tell people that answer, we generally find that folks move on to talk with others or work to change the conversation topic quickly. 

Our son, Ken, was 28 when he was diagnosed with HIV-AIDS and involved in the early trials for the drugs that would eventually make AIDS a chronic disease, though that development came too late for him. His death, after living with AIDS for four years, was torturous as we watched him waste away physically while his spirit fought every moment, hoping to hang on until a cure came across his doorstep. He died in our living room in Texas, surrounded by our family, with Sheila singing softly to him. 

Five years later, in that same living room, our daughter, Corinne, who was 40 years old called us from Lincoln, Nebraska, in tears. Despite numerous mammograms that were all negative, Corinne’s concerns about her health led to a blind biopsy that discovered a highly aggressive form of breast cancer. We immediately stopped what we were doing to become a part of Team Corinne, supporting her husband, three small children, and her community of friends in helping her fight this battle. Sheila stopped working and attended Corinne’s care when she began an experimental treatment program at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. After a courageous two-year struggle that included hundreds of people moving to help Corinne and her family, she passed in a hospice room with paper doves on her door and many friends and loved ones lining the hallway. 

Corinne was a deeply spiritual woman, and I remember the words she shared with me when I mentioned that everyone was praying for her recovery. She told me “that all prayers are answered, but sometimes the answer is no.” 

A few months after Corinne died, my mother called to tell me about a friend of hers who lost a son to suicide. “She is beside herself,” my mother told me. Her friend did not leave her apartment, was in constant tears, and developed suicidal thoughts herself. My mother wanted to help her, but she was inconsolable. She urged me to do whatever we could to avoid that happening. Sheila and I had no intention of letting that happen to us. 

Intentionality guided our healing journey. As mental health professionals, we acknowledge the impact of child loss on marriages. Surprisingly, research by Compassionate Friends found that only 16% of marriages end in divorce after the death of a child, challenging common misconceptions.1 Nonetheless, we prioritized our grief, supporting each other and committing to growth. 

Navigating the complexities of grief alongside my wife, Sheila, I witnessed her remarkable journey of self-discovery through art, dance, and advocacy. Sheila was a professional dancer and bridged her work as a therapist to bring novel and creative approaches to her work. In this next phase of her life, she developed an unwavering commitment to embracing grief as a catalyst for change in herself and her clients. She has inspired countless individuals to reframe their perspectives on loss and healing. 

One of the pivotal moments in Sheila’s healing journey was when we participated in a workshop in Australia with a group of improvisational artists who are part of a global community called Interplay. Interplay uses improv art forms for social good, personal growth, and community advocacy. We were in Sydney to study with local Aussies and perform at the University of Sydney. Corinne was in treatment and stable and encouraged us to go to the session for our self-care. 

In one particular workshop session, Sheila and I began to share our story with others. As we moved about the room, telling our tale with song, word, and movement, Sheila moved into the group’s center. She described this moment in her book Warrior Mother.2  

I began to sing with my eyes closed, in a somewhat timid but deep and angry voice: “What GOOD, what GOOD, what GOOD can come from THIS?” My voice got stronger when I heard the instrumentalists following my rhythm.  

“What GOOD, what GOOD, what GOOD can come from THIS?” 

I caught sight of the dancers and realized that one of them was  

Richard, who was, of course, as concerned about Corinne as I was. 

 

“What GOOD, what GOOD, what GOOD can come from THIS?” 

And then the song began to change, and a softening  

came into my voice and whole body. 

The song became a prayer, “GOOD CAN come from THIS.  

GOOD CAN come from THIS.” 

The prayer turned into a pledge and promise, “GOOD WILL COME FROM THIS. GOOD WILL COME FROM THIS.” 

 In the aftermath, as the song resonated throughout my body, I began to feel, for the first time, that it would. 

Corinne’s journey continued for two years after we returned from that trip.  

As an outflow of our grief, Sheila decided to learn yet another art form and began attending the Iowa Writer’s Summer Workshops. Immersed in a community of writers and storytellers, she found solace in writing, channeling her grief into words and stories that comforted her. Through the workshops, Sheila discovered the healing power of storytelling, using her own experiences of loss to connect with others deeply and emotionally. She began to see the gifts that grief provides. 

Sheila’s commitment to grief advocacy significantly impacted her healing journey. Determined to challenge societal taboos surrounding grief and loss, she became a vocal promoter for those navigating the complexities of grief. Through public speaking engagements, workshops, and community outreach efforts, Sheila shared her story of loss and resilience in her presentations and two books. Warrior Mother2 and her latest book, The Art of Grieving.3  

For me, the path to post-traumatic growth took shape through professional reinvention and a deep exploration of resilience. I first encountered resilience in my clinical work when I was asked, along with colleagues, to meet with American Airlines staff after 9/11, when we lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Over several months of meeting with pilots, flight attendants, gate agents, and ramp workers, I saw how their resilience moved them from grief to action as they saw their role in honoring their colleagues, helping their company, and healing our country.  

My journey of healing included seeking support through a research-based treatment program for complicated grief. Complicated grief is grief that lasts over a year, and in my case, I often found myself weeping when I talked about our loss, even three years later. Over 16 weeks, I engaged in therapeutic interventions aimed at navigating the complexities of loss and finding resilience in the face of adversity. Through individual therapy sessions, group support, and experiential exercises, I learned to confront my grief head-on and find meaning amid pain.

I also immersed myself in the study of resilience and positive psychology. Drawing upon research and insights from leading experts in the field, I discovered new strategies for coping with adversity and fostering personal growth in the face of trauma. From mindfulness practices to gratitude exercises, I developed a model of resilience that goes beyond “bouncing back” to seeing how, in the face of hardships, I could use my power of anticipation and preparation to plan for the adversity. Rather than just bouncing back I could use adversity to learn and grow—to bounce forward. My work led to the publication of my book, The Resilience Advantage (with Alan Weiss).4  

Sheila and I have forged a path through the trauma of our grief by relying on our resilience, thirst for learning, and stubborn persistence. Perhaps our nature or upbringing propelled us to create the intention to heal and not to linger in the pain that creates suffering. We still experience the pain every day, but we don’t have to live there. It is okay just to visit. As we continue to embrace the journey of post-traumatic growth, we are reminded that within every moment of pain lies a possibility that we honor Corinne and Ken’s memory in everything we do.  

In the face of life’s most formidable challenges, resilience emerges as a secret growth mechanism and a profound capacity to thrive and evolve. There are many paths to growth from trauma. Each person must discover their path, but our biological imperative to grow or die commits us to choose the path towards our freedom and, with it, post-traumatic growth. 

References 

1. NFO Research on Behalf of The Compassionate Friends, Inc. A Survey of Bereaved Parents. 1999 
2. Collins, SK. Warrior Mother. She Writes Press, Berkeley, CA, 2013 
3. Collins, SK. The Art of Grieving. In Press, Earth Springs Press, Pittsburgh, PA 2024 
4. Citrin, RS and Weiss, A. The Resilience Advantage. Business Expert Press, New York, 2016